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Proverb:18:22: Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

What is the secret to fixing your marriage?

Psalms:125:1: They that trust in the LORD shall be as mount Zion, which cannot be removed, but abideth for ever.
Proverb:3:5: Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
Proverb:28:25: He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife: but he that putteth his trust in the LORD shall be made fat.
Proverb:29:25: The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.

 WHAT IS MARRIAGE:

Marriage is a social, religious, spiritual and/or legal union of individuals that creates kinship. This union may also be called matrimony, while the ceremony that marks its beginning is usually called a wedding and the married status created is sometimes called wedlock.

For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof, and the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man and Adam said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
 

Who should be Married?

Marriage should be of a man to a woman and not a man to a man nor a woman to a woman. Marriage should not be of more than two individuals, man and woman  1Cor:7:2: Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh.

Are you in chains? Are you spiritually bound by cultural and personal biases that prevent you from enjoying the abundant life spoken of by Jesus? Maybe you have a burden to help others free themselves from such chains or maybe you'd just like to gain a deeper knowledge of the scriptures.

God explains His relationship to us is through the metaphor of marriage and so we are, spiritually speaking, God's wives. It is therefore important for us to know what a husband should expect of a wife as well as what a wife should expect of a husband. This knowledge will not o­nly improve our relationship with the Lord but it will clarify what is expected of us in our own marriages.

I'll bet you've never heard that before. However, you've certainly heard the old tune "Standing o­n the promises of God." So it shouldn't be difficult to understand that being "married to God" has its benefits. God has indeed made promises to us. We are not, however, to be demanding of God that we receive what He has promised. We are to be thankful and in awe that He can indeed protect us and deliver us from all adversities that we cannot bear without His help.

Christian marriage has an importance not just to those who are married but to all Christians. So what are the benefits and obligations of being "married" to God? To know that you must learn exactly how the Bible defines marriage and that is exactly what I will set out to teach here. Marriage is a relationship far beyond the fairy tale romances that many of us grew up hearing. There are far more freedoms and far more responsibilities than most of us were taught.

 Who can find a virtuous woman?  for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

When a woman first seriously considers divorce she usually isn’t thinking about the theological implications of her desires – all she knows is that she feels like she has to get away from her husband. She doesn't arrive at this state of desperation by a process of calm deduction. She is simply reacting to the feeling that she "can't take anymore."  Her departure is typically a sign that she has hardened her heart towards the man to whom she once entrusted it. Likely, she has been hurt over and over, and finally decided she will tolerate no more emotional pain. Her leaving may have been an attempt to coerce her husband to change, but more often it has been a desperate effort to survive. She sincerely believes that she cannot endure anymore heartache, so she has reached out and grabbed onto the separation like a drowning swimmer clings to a life ring.

One of the reasons she became so weak, and finally, unwilling to go on, was that whenever she became hurt, she also became angry. As time progressed, the hurts mounted up and the less she felt able to endure. She inadvertently was doing what Christians are warned not to do, and was letting the sun go down on her anger (Eph 4:26), which grew into bitterness, which ultimately defiled her (Heb 12:15). In a final act of self defense, she hardened her heart so that it would no longer be vulnerable to pain. This wall around her heart seemed to give her the courage to emotionally cut herself off from her husband.

Sadly, most husbands have few memories of “hurting” their wives. But let all such men consider – if a woman does something as extreme as leave her mate, claiming she can no longer handle the emotional pain, isn’t it likely she is, in fact, in pain? (If emotional feelings could bleed, a man would see a trail of blood following his wife as she walks away from him.) The truth is that a hardened woman only got that way because her feelings got hurt over and over. Herein lies the problem – most women believe that they have communicated their hurt to their husbands, but most husbands only have memories of their wife’s bad attitudes. All those times a wife thought she was simply expressing the cry of an injured heart, her husband only perceived hostility, coldness, or hatred. She felt like she was begging for tenderness and sensitivity, and he backed away because he thought he was being attacked. My experience is that most women leave their husbands, because they entered marriage with expectations of feeling treasured and cherished, and their husbands unwittingly have sent the message that they are not. Hence, those women end up bitter and hardened. (Most Christian wives will not believe it is bitterness they harbor -- they think they merely hold feelings of "hurt".)

The man who hopes to reconcile with a bitter, hardened wife must first realize that for her to return to him will require that she forgive him. As a believer she is bound by her duty to forgive all offenders and love her enemies, but an abandoned husband should not rely upon her sense of duty to God. She obviously no longer sees her need to obey God or she wouldn’t have forsaken her biblical duties as a wife, which is why she feels equally unmotivated to forgive him.  Rather than concentrate on what his wife is doing wrong, it is better that an abandoned husband think about what he must do facilitate the softening of her heart and help her to forgive him.

 A man must first understand his wife’s condition:

She views her husband as one to whom she entrusted her heart and who then was repeatedly rough with it

She has been hurt, so is now overwhelmed with a sense of desperation to emotionally or mentally survive

She is unforgiving, bitter, and vengeful

Out of self-protection she has hardened her heart both toward her husband and God

Out of self-preservation she has become willful and defiant

Untrusting of God, uncaring what He wants

She has become unconcerned about her biblical duties as a wife

2. A wife who leaves her husband is hardened not just against him, but also against God. A man must therefore pray, pray, pray! He must plead with the Almighty to intervene for the sake of his wife’s soul. God is a specialist in hardened hearts, and a hardened believer will not repent without God’s softening intervention. 

3. A man must stop feeling sorry for himself, like he is a victim of a heartless, witchy wife. He must see himself as perpetrator of hurt – not a victim of rejection. Self pity will pollute a man’s prayers, and create an “odor” which his wife smells every time he relates with her.

4. If a man seeks to reconcile he must be able to identify and repent of those things which he has contributed to the problems. He must therefore, pray, pray, pray! He will need God to reveal to him those things he did which accidentally sent the message to his wife that she meant little to him. 

5. Once a man is confident he has identified his offenses, he should go repent to his wife, or better yet, write a letter of apology and repentance. A man’s purpose will not simply be to win back his wife, but to repent and fulfill his role as a follower of Jesus, making amends to one he has hurt.

6. The greatest cause for concern for any man whose wife hardens her heart, must not be that she has hurt him, is alienating the children, or is destroying the marriage. An abandoned husband’s greatest cause for concern is the condition of his wife’s soul – as Scripture warns, a hardened heart is a trait common to those who are perishing. (Eph 4:18; Heb 3:13, 15; Deut 31:27; 1 Sam 15:23; Acts 7:51; 28:27). A husband must look beyond his own frustration and be concerned that his wife is deceived and hardened toward God. He must be concerned for her, because her steps are walking her away from intimate fellowship with God. Her defiance towards the Scriptures hints that she may walk hardened toward God for the rest of her life, the consequences she will reap, affecting her into eternity. A hardened woman merits her husband’s compassion, not his arrogance.

Winning your husband back starts with you. Yes, he may need to change, but the first one to change is you. Yes, he may have said and done many hurtful things. But, you must first identify and take responsibility for your own actions, words, thoughts and feelings. Unless you begin with you and the changes you need to make, you will continue to do and say things that will drive your husband further away. Winning your husband back begins with you.

As you become more and more the person Christ created you to be, you will become more attractive and beautiful to your husband. The Christ in you will attract the Christ in him. The indwelling Spirit in you will transform you from the inside out. Winning your husband back involves more than changing your attitudes or behaviors, even though they may have to change substantially. The change in you is a spiritual transformation out of which flows new life through you and into your marriage relationship.

Let us assure you that God has a wonderful plan and purpose for your life even if your husband doesn't see you as important or essential to his life. You are body, soul and spirit. All of who you are is important to God. We will examine each aspect of your life and look at how you can become whole regardless of how your husband views you. All that matters is that you see yourself as God sees you. You are a whole person reflecting Christ's image, not the image projected for you by your husband, others or even yourself. So let's look at you the way God does. 

The way you look physically may convey to others how you feel about yourself. A sloppy, overweight person can communicate lower self value. It's important for you to take care of your body for your sake and so you can be a healthy vessel through whom the Spirit works. Commit yourself to a regular routine of exercise. Keep your body fit in order to honor the Lord, to be used by Him for His purposes and to stay attractive to others and your husband. But you are not doing this to look good or to win your husband back. This is for your health and for God.

Next, it's important to cultivate and maintain a healthy mental outlook. A healthy soul begins with Christ's thoughts that focus on the positive, not the negative things in life. Paul writes, "Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise" (Philippians 4:8, NIV).

Examine your soul for balance. Ask yourself these questions: